Zachary: The Boy Who Became Himself

There was a period of time when I wondered if I would ever make it through parenting my oldest son.

If you have ever raised a strong-willed child, you know exactly what I mean.

There were years filled with homework battles that felt endless. Reading was difficult for him. School wasn’t easy. There were tears, arguments, consequences, and more than a few moments where I thought my head might actually spin like something out of a movie.

There were the teenage years too.

The “Hi” graffiti around campus.

The sneaking out.

The stolen street signs.

The moments that left me frustrated, worried, and questioning every parenting decision I had ever made.

At the time, it felt like I was constantly trying to redirect him toward the path I thought he should be on.

Today, Zachary is nineteen years old and has just completed his first year of community college.

He is planning his future and researching transfer options largely on his own. He has worked at Spyder Lab for more than a year, teaching children time management (ohh the irony) communication skills, leadership, confidence, resilience, and teamwork skills. Watching him mentor younger kids is one of my favorite things because I see a side of him that many people never had the opportunity to see growing up.

What amazes me most is how clearly he knows himself.

He has built relationships throughout Southern California’s independent music scene. He drives to Los Angeles, Pomona, Riverside, and San Bernardino to meet bands, attend shows, and build a personal brand around something he genuinely loves.

Every time he leaves, I still hold my breath a little.

That’s what mothers do.

But he is doing exactly what young adults should be doing. He is exploring. Networking. Creating. Taking chances. Building confidence.

Most importantly, he is becoming himself.

Looking back, I realize something important.

The qualities that challenged me the most when he was younger are many of the same qualities helping him succeed today.

His independence.

His confidence.

His willingness to question authority.

His desire to carve his own path.

As parents, we often spend years trying to smooth out the very edges that eventually become our children’s greatest strengths.

I spent a lot of years worrying about Zachary.

Today, I mostly find myself standing back in awe.

Not because he became who I wanted him to be.

Because he became who he was meant to be.