Resume vs. Eulogy Virtues: The Difference That Changes How You Live

I recently reread From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks—a book that has stayed with me since the first time I read it.

But this time?

It hit differently.

Stronger. Deeper. More personal.

And I found myself asking… why now?

Two Types of Virtues

Arthur Brooks builds on a concept popularized by David Brooks in The Road to Character:

Resume virtues

The things we list on paper:

• Titles

• Promotions

• Awards

• Accomplishments

• Credentials

They reflect what we’ve achieved.

Eulogy virtues

The things people say about us when we’re gone:

• Kind

• Honest

• Generous

• Trustworthy

• Present

• Loving

They reflect who we were.

Why This Lesson Hit Me Harder the Second Time

When I first read this concept, I understood it.

But understanding something intellectually and feeling it are two very different things.

As I’ve grown—personally and professionally—I’ve noticed something shift.

I am becoming clearer on:

• what matters

• what doesn’t

• what feels aligned

• and what doesn’t anymore

There’s less noise.

Less chasing.Less need to prove.

And more intentionality around:

• how I show up

• how I treat people

• how I spend my time

• what I want my life to actually stand for

So when I read this again, it didn’t feel like a lesson.

It felt like a mirror.

We Live in a Resume-Driven World

Let’s be honest.

We are conditioned to prioritize resume virtues.

We celebrate:

• promotions

• titles

• visibility

• recognition

We track:

• milestones

• metrics

• outcomes

And in many ways, that’s necessary.

Resume virtues matter. They represent hard work, growth, and contribution.

But when they become the only measure of success, something gets lost.

Eulogy Virtues Are Built Quietly

No one gives you a promotion for:

• being kind

• listening well

• showing up for someone on a hard day

• mentoring someone quietly

• doing the right thing when no one is watching

There’s no annual review category for:

“Made people feel seen.”

And yet… those are the things people remember.

The Question That Changes Everything

When you really sit with this concept, one question rises to the surface:

How do I want to be remembered?

Not what I accomplished.Not what I earned.Not what I achieved.

But:

• Who was I to the people in my life?

• How did I make others feel?

• Did I walk alongside others or ahead of them?

• Did I help others rise?

That question changes how you move through your day.

This Isn’t Either/Or

This isn’t about rejecting ambition or professional growth.

It’s about balance.

You can:

• pursue excellence

• build a career

• achieve meaningful things

And

• be kind

• be present

• be generous

• be grounded

But it requires intention.

Because the world will always pull you toward resume virtues.

You have to choose eulogy virtues.

What I’m Learning

As I continue to grow, I’m realizing:

I care deeply about both — but I choose to lead with one.

I want to be excellent at what I do.

I want to grow.

I want to contribute.

But more than anything…

I want to be known as someone who:

• helped others

• showed up authentically

• led with integrity

• walked alongside people

• made people feel valued

Because at the end of the day:

**Your resume may open doors.

But your eulogy is your legacy.**

Key Takeaways

• Resume virtues reflect what you achieve. Eulogy virtues reflect who you are.

• Our world rewards resume virtues — but people remember eulogy virtues.

• Both matter, but only one defines your legacy.

• Growth and aging often bring clarity around what truly matters.

• Intentional living requires choosing how you show up, not just what you accomplish.

• Success is meaningful — but significance is lasting.