People Rarely Leave Because of One Bad Day

What more than 25 years in the workplace has taught me about the environments people choose to stay in

Every once in a while, I read something that makes me stop and think:

Yes. That's it.

I recently read an Inc. article titled Employees Don't Usually Quit Overnight. Here's What Pushes Them Away.

It immediately resonated with me.

After more than 25 years in my career, I've experienced a lot of different seasons. I've worked for different organizations, different leaders and alongside hundreds of different personalities.

I've also been a leader myself.

I've gotten things right.

I've gotten things wrong.

And with the benefit of time, experience and a whole lot of reflection, I've developed a much clearer understanding of the environments where people thrive—and the ones that slowly wear them down.

The biggest lesson?

People rarely leave because of one bad day.

It's Usually an Accumulation

We sometimes talk about an employee leaving as though a single event caused it.

They got another offer.

They were unhappy with their salary.

They didn't get the promotion.

They disagreed with a decision.

Sometimes that's true.

But I think more often, leaving is the final step in a process that started long before anyone noticed.

It's the accumulation of small things.

Feeling like everything is always an emergency.

Priorities constantly changing without understanding why.

Working incredibly hard and discovering that extraordinary effort simply becomes the new expectation.

Watching difficult behavior go unaddressed.

Only hearing from leadership when something is wrong.

Feeling like you have responsibility but not necessarily the trust or authority to make decisions.

One experience probably won't make someone leave.

But hundreds of them might.

That's what struck me about this article.

It wasn't describing dramatic workplace failures.

It was describing patterns.

And patterns shape culture.

Urgency Isn't the Same as Importance

One lesson I've learned in my career is that everything cannot be an emergency.

If everything is urgent, eventually nothing is.

There absolutely are moments when teams need to sprint. I've worked on projects and situations where people had to come together quickly, work incredibly hard and solve something that genuinely mattered.

People will rise to those occasions.

But you can't operate in sprint mode indefinitely.

Eventually people get tired.

They stop distinguishing between what truly matters and what is simply being presented as urgent.

And eventually, urgency stops motivating people and starts exhausting them.

One of the greatest gifts a leader can give a team is perspective.

This matters. This can wait. And this doesn't matter nearly as much as we originally thought.

That clarity is leadership too.

Don't Reward People for Destroying Themselves

This one has become increasingly important to me.

For much of my career, being extraordinarily busy was almost a badge of honor.

Who arrived first?

Who stayed latest?

Who answered the email at night?

Who worked through vacation?

Who could carry the most?

I participated in that culture too.

But I've learned that exhaustion isn't a measure of commitment.

And as leaders, we have to be incredibly careful about what we celebrate because people are always watching.

If the person who sacrifices the most of their personal life consistently receives the most praise, we're communicating something whether we intend to or not.

I want people who work with me to do excellent work.

I also want them to go home.

Attend the school performance.

Take the vacation.

Care for their parents.

Be with their families.

Live their lives.

Work matters.

But it shouldn't require someone to sacrifice everything else that matters.

Have the Hard Conversation

This may be one of the most important leadership lessons I've learned.

Avoiding a difficult conversation doesn't make the problem disappear.

It usually makes it bigger.

And everyone else can see it.

When someone consistently behaves poorly and leadership doesn't address it, the message isn't only received by that individual.

The entire team receives it.

People notice what leaders tolerate.

I have learned that kindness and accountability aren't opposites.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do, for the individual and everyone around them, is have the uncomfortable conversation.

Be clear.

Be respectful.

Be honest.

Then give someone the opportunity to do better.

You Don't Have to Solve Everything

Earlier in my career, I thought leadership meant having answers.

Now I think leadership often means having really good questions.

What do you think?

How would you approach it?

What am I missing?

Who else should be part of this?

What do you need from me?

I don't need to be the smartest person in the room.

In fact, I actively want people around me who are better than I am at things.

Fill my gaps.

Challenge my thinking.

Bring expertise I don't have.

Then I want to make sure other people know exactly what those individuals contributed.

Developing talented people and giving them room to shine is far more powerful than proving I can solve every problem myself.

People Remember How Work Felt

After 25-plus years, this might be the lesson that stays with me most.

We spend an extraordinary amount of our lives working.

People may eventually forget the project.

They may forget the meeting.

They may forget the presentation everyone thought was so important.

But they remember how it felt to work somewhere.

Did I feel trusted?

Did I feel valued?

Could I make a mistake?

Could I disagree?

Did my leader listen?

Did someone have my back?

Could I have a life outside of work?

Did I feel like what I contributed mattered?

Those experiences accumulate too.

And thankfully, they can accumulate in the other direction.

One conversation can build trust.

One leader can make someone feel seen.

One moment of grace can create loyalty.

One opportunity can change someone's career.

One person believing in you can completely change what you believe is possible for yourself.

I've experienced those moments too.

I'm Still Learning

One of the gifts of getting older is being able to look backward without needing to rewrite the story.

There are workplace experiences I would never want to repeat.

There are leaders who taught me exactly what I want to emulate.

There are others who taught me what I never want to become.

And there are things I did as a leader that I would handle differently today.

I'm grateful for all of it.

Because leadership isn't something I believe you master.

It's something you practice.

Every interaction is another repetition.

Another opportunity to listen better.

Communicate more clearly.

Stay calm.

Give someone credit.

Have the hard conversation.

Trust someone to solve the problem.

Or simply tell a person:

Go home. We've got this.

People rarely leave because of one bad day.

And I don't think they stay because of one great day either.

They stay, or leave, because of what they experience repeatedly.

That's culture.

And every single one of us, especially those fortunate enough to lead others, contributes to creating it.