Thank God for Unanswered Prayers

Sometimes not getting what we desperately want turns out to be one of life's greatest gifts

I've prayed a lot of prayers in my life.

Some have been answered exactly as I hoped.

Some haven't.

And at 48, I can say something I absolutely could not have said at 20, 25 or probably even 35:

I Thank God for some of my unanswered prayers.

There were times in my life when I was absolutely certain I knew what I wanted.

Actually, let's be more accurate.

I didn't just want it.

I was convinced it was supposed to happen.

I prayed about it. I asked God for it. I probably tried to negotiate for it.

Please let this relationship work.

Please let me get this job.

Please make this situation turn out the way I want it to.

Sometimes the answer was no.

I just didn't know yet how grateful I would eventually be.

I Was Absolutely Certain

There were boyfriends in my younger years whom I was convinced were "the love of my life."

The relationship would end, and I would be devastated.

I would pray for us to get back together.

Please let him call.

Please let us work this out.

Please let this be the person I'm supposed to marry.

At the time, I couldn't understand why something I wanted so badly wasn't happening.

Today?

I'm married to Tim.

We have built a life together. We've raised two boys. We've experienced wonderful seasons and difficult ones. We've grown up together in many ways.

I can look backward now with enormous gratitude that some of those earlier prayers weren't answered the way I requested.

Because I was asking for what I wanted with only the information I had at the time.

I couldn't see what was ahead.

I've Done It With My Career Too

I've prayed for jobs.

I've wanted opportunities that seemed absolutely perfect for me.

I've thought, This is it.

And then I didn't get them.

That's a terrible feeling.

Especially when you've convinced yourself that the opportunity makes perfect sense.

You start questioning everything.

Why not me?

What did I do wrong?

Wasn't I qualified?

What am I supposed to do now?

And yet, when I look back over more than 25 years of my career, some of the opportunities that didn't happen ultimately created room for ones that did.

I couldn't see that while I was waiting for the phone call.

I can see it now.

Maybe "No" Isn't Always Rejection

This is one of the biggest shifts in perspective I've experienced as I've gotten older.

I used to interpret a closed door as rejection.

Now I'm much more likely to wonder:

What if it's redirection?

That's very different from the lesson I've learned about failure.

Failure has taught me to get back up, learn something and try again.

Unanswered prayers have taught me something harder:

Sometimes I need to stop trying to control the outcome.

That's not easy for me.

I like a plan.

I like preparation.

I like knowing where I'm going.

I like doing the work and believing that if I work hard enough, eventually I can make something happen.

Faith doesn't always work that way.

Sometimes faith is doing everything you can and then accepting that the answer may still be no.

Sometimes it's trusting something you can't see yet.

Hindsight Is an Incredible Gift

There's an interesting exercise I've found myself doing as I've gotten older.

Look backward at the things you once desperately wanted.

The relationship.

The job.

The opportunity.

The plan.

The outcome you prayed for.

Now imagine if every one of those prayers had been answered exactly as you requested.

Where would you be?

Who would you be with?

What opportunities would you have missed because you were still holding onto something else?

It's fascinating.

There are things I once cried over that I now wouldn't change.

Not because they weren't painful.

They were.

But because I finally know what happened next.

That's the advantage 48-year-old me has over 25-year-old me.

She knows the next chapter.

The woman experiencing the disappointment didn't.

Trusting Without Knowing the Ending

Of course, hindsight is easy.

Faith in the middle is much harder.

It's easy for me to look backward today and say, "Oh, I understand why that didn't work out."

It's much more difficult when I'm currently facing something I don't understand.

I still struggle.

I still pray for specific outcomes.

I still think I know what's best sometimes.

I am still very much a work in progress.

But I have something today that younger me didn't have:

Evidence.

I have decades of evidence that not getting what I wanted didn't mean my life wasn't working out.

Sometimes it meant something else was coming.

Sometimes it meant I needed to grow first.

Sometimes it meant that opportunity simply wasn't right for me.

Sometimes I never received a clear explanation at all.

And sometimes the answer became so obvious years later that all I could think was:

Thank God that didn't happen.

What Are You Holding Onto?

Maybe you're praying for something right now.

Maybe you're waiting for the relationship to work out.

Waiting for the job offer.

Waiting for someone to recognize you.

Waiting for a door to open.

I won't tell you that something better is definitely around the corner.

None of us can promise that.

And I certainly won't tell you not to be disappointed.

Feel disappointed.

Be sad.

Pray.

Hope.

Try.

Do everything that's yours to do.

But perhaps leave a tiny bit of room for another possibility:

Maybe the life you are trying so hard to orchestrate isn't the only beautiful version available to you.

Maybe there's something you can't see yet.

I've learned that I don't have to understand everything immediately.

I can do my part.

I can pray.

I can listen.

I can keep moving.

And I can trust.

Because some of the greatest gifts in my life exist today because something I once desperately wanted never happened.

And for those unanswered prayers?

I am incredibly grateful.