What If the Failure Was Actually the Beginning?

Sometimes the things that don't work out teach us more than the things that do

I still remember one of my first big failures.

And when I say "big," I should probably put that in quotation marks.

Because adult me can look back at what happened and recognize that it wasn't exactly a life-altering catastrophe.

Teenage me did not have that perspective.

I attended an all-girls Catholic high school, and during my sophomore year, I decided to run for social chair for my class.

I wanted it.

I campaigned. I made buttons. I put myself out there.

And I lost.

I was devastated.

Actually, I was humiliated.

I remember feeling like I wasn't good enough. Other people had chosen someone else. And at that age, I didn't have enough life experience to separate:

I lost an election

from

They don't like me. I'm not good enough. I failed.

Those felt like the same thing.

They weren't.

It would take me years, and quite a few more failures, to understand that.

What I Couldn't See Yet

Looking back now, losing that election was probably a blessing.

Not getting involved in student government gave me time for other things.

I ran track and field and cross country.

I worked.

I developed different friendships and experiences.

Life kept going.

Imagine that.

Something I thought was devastating happened, and life simply kept moving forward.

That's one of the things failure has taught me over and over again.

The moment that feels enormous while you're standing in it often looks very different once you can see it from farther away.

At 15 or 16, I couldn't see that.

At 48, I certainly can.

Then College Gave Me Another Opportunity

A few years later, I went to Chapman University as a first-generation college student.

I didn't immediately jump into everything. I actually waited until my sophomore year to join a sorority. I had spent my freshman year watching, learning and figuring out where I might fit.

I eventually pledged Gamma Phi Beta.

Then an opportunity came up to serve as Public Relations Vice President.

This time, I raised my hand again.

And this time, I got it.

That decision changed the trajectory of my life.

Suddenly I was doing something that felt incredibly natural to me.

Connecting with people.

Communicating.

Building relationships.

Representing an organization.

Using my personality as an asset.

I loved it.

It gave me another opportunity to lead, but even more importantly, it introduced me to something I didn't even know could become my career:

public relations.

I graduated with a degree in political science, but a minor in public relations. Gamma Phi is the reason.

I built my career around communications, public engagement, government relations, relationship building and eventually business development.

More than 25 years later, I can draw a line backward and see how many seemingly small moments helped lead me here.

One of them was a leadership position I won.

But another was an election I lost.

Failure Doesn't Always Look Like Growth While It's Happening

I think this is where we sometimes get failure wrong.

We love to talk about "failing forward" after everything has worked out.

The story sounds wonderful in hindsight.

I failed.

I learned.

I grew.

Everything happened for a reason.

But failure usually doesn't feel remotely inspirational when you're actually experiencing it.

It hurts.

Sometimes it's embarrassing.

Sometimes it makes you question yourself.

Sometimes you worked incredibly hard and still didn't get the job, promotion, opportunity, client, position or outcome you wanted.

Sometimes there isn't an immediate lesson.

And sometimes the lesson isn't revealed for years.

I've experienced enough disappointments in my life and career to know that I don't have to immediately turn every painful experience into a positive one.

Sometimes I just need to let it hurt.

Then eventually I ask:

What can I learn from this?

And perhaps even more importantly:

What am I going to do next?

Keep Raising Your Hand

This might be the part of the story I appreciate most now.

I lost that high school election.

And a few years later, I still raised my hand for another leadership position.

I hadn't consciously developed some sophisticated philosophy about resilience.

I just tried again.

That's growth.

Failure doesn't mean we stop wanting things.

It doesn't mean we protect ourselves by never taking another risk.

It doesn't mean we decide we're "not leadership material" because someone else got more votes.

We keep raising our hands.

We keep applying.

We keep trying.

We keep risking hearing no.

Because eventually something completely changes our lives.

I'm Grateful I Didn't Win Everything

I never would have said this when I was younger, but I'm grateful now that I haven't gotten everything I've wanted.

Some of my greatest growth has come from disappointment.

I've learned humility.

I've learned empathy.

I've learned that my worth isn't determined by someone else's decision.

I've learned that I can be disappointed and still genuinely celebrate someone else's success.

I've learned that sometimes a closed door really does redirect you toward another one.

And I've learned that failure isn't nearly as frightening once you've accumulated enough evidence that you can survive it.

Maybe that's why I'm much more willing today to try something without knowing exactly how it will turn out.

I've failed before.

I'll fail again.

So what?

I'll learn.

I'll adjust.

I'll try something else.

The Girl With the Campaign Buttons

Sometimes I think about that teenage girl who made campaign buttons and genuinely believed losing a high school election said something profound about her value.

I wish I could tell her:

This isn't nearly as important as you think it is.

You're going to get other chances.

You're going to lead.

You're going to find things you're really good at.

You're going to discover an entire career you don't even know exists yet.

You're going to win some things.

You're going to lose some things.

And both will shape you.

Most importantly, don't let this make you afraid to raise your hand again.

Because a few years from now, another opportunity is going to come along.

This one will have the words Public Relations in the title.

Say yes.

You have absolutely no idea where it's going to lead.